Nothing but Deception

Things I do, things I say
Never go right
I lose my heart twice
My mouth never follows my mind
My thoughts never come out as they are
My feelings are always in the way
I am drowning in my fears
Those tears of emptiness
A soul of nothingness
What is there to do?
I need something for a cure
Make me better
Never ever falter
Take my pain and show me happiness that will never leave
What am I good at?
Losing those I love?
A constant way for me
Not even my family stays
Shall I die the way everyone fears?
Die without anyone by my side?
Where not even a memory of me will exist?
Those I loved
The ones I tried to take care of
I have hurt
Cut into them and poured salt
My wicked tongue has made promises
And turned to make them false
I spun my web
And the flies do gather
Stuck in my silk of sweet white lies
I cannot stop my mouth from what it does
The decisions I made
Those choices I took
All for nothing
For the words that were said have killed me
No memories
The love and kindness I should have
All put to shame when those lips chose to leave
Leave and make their own decisions
To deceive